[ Her words are pellets of acid, splattering his face. Hei jerks back, then quickly goes steely. ] 'Change.' That's an easy word to toss around. People talk about it all the damn time. But they just clang along doing the same stupid stuff year in and year out. [ Ice creeps into his tone. ] But believe me, I haven't. If you knew me five years ago, you'd think I was as foul as they come. And you'd be right. This person -- whose behaviour, according to you, needs fixing -- is here because he decided to 'change.'
[ But there's still enough filth left in him to leave nothing of you. That, he doesn't say. There's no need to. It makes a headache pound behind his eyes. Because however much he changes is irrelevant; they'll always be wrong for each other, and by that logic, they should finish this. The whole damn thing is nothing but diseased and inflamed, like a slashed wound that won't scab over. ]
[ At the same time, a voice, so much like Amber's, intrudes: Why is everything so negative with you? It's because you've never been tied to something larger than yourself, outside of Pai's safety. You don't believe in anything anymore. So you can't imagine someone who does. They must be either deluded or lying or naive. ]
[ He's been alone for so long, he's begun to conceive of himself that way. But slowly and inevitably, the conception has begun to include other people. The knowledge scares him, so some wretched part of him always searches for rationalizations, excuses, whatever it needs to pat itself on the back and say, See? You can't trust anyone. I've always told you. ]
[ Hei exhales a breath through gritted teeth. His whole body aches, and he can't account for the incredible sadness that suddenly comes up in slow bubbles that burst painfully in his chest, over and over. Exhausted, he says, ] You want me to say that I need someone's shoulder to cry on? An intervention? Because I'm not going to do that, Korra. [ His eyes drift to hers then. There's a tinge of pain there. ] I can keep trying to change though. [ He's never stopped. ] But there's no guarantee I'll change into something that suits you.
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[ But there's still enough filth left in him to leave nothing of you. That, he doesn't say. There's no need to. It makes a headache pound behind his eyes. Because however much he changes is irrelevant; they'll always be wrong for each other, and by that logic, they should finish this. The whole damn thing is nothing but diseased and inflamed, like a slashed wound that won't scab over. ]
[ At the same time, a voice, so much like Amber's, intrudes: Why is everything so negative with you? It's because you've never been tied to something larger than yourself, outside of Pai's safety. You don't believe in anything anymore. So you can't imagine someone who does. They must be either deluded or lying or naive. ]
[ He's been alone for so long, he's begun to conceive of himself that way. But slowly and inevitably, the conception has begun to include other people. The knowledge scares him, so some wretched part of him always searches for rationalizations, excuses, whatever it needs to pat itself on the back and say, See? You can't trust anyone. I've always told you. ]
[ Hei exhales a breath through gritted teeth. His whole body aches, and he can't account for the incredible sadness that suddenly comes up in slow bubbles that burst painfully in his chest, over and over. Exhausted, he says, ] You want me to say that I need someone's shoulder to cry on? An intervention? Because I'm not going to do that, Korra. [ His eyes drift to hers then. There's a tinge of pain there. ] I can keep trying to change though. [ He's never stopped. ] But there's no guarantee I'll change into something that suits you.