Ah, I sent you a message, but that's okay! You don't need to see it right away. [She starts flailing a little, waving her hands out in front of her.]
You can get to it whenever you want to. I just wanted to make sure you were doing all right. And if you got pressured because I'm sending you messages then I'm becoming part of the problem and not helping anything. And I don't want to do that!
I'm fine, Tohru. [It's an instinctive response. It's in her nature to keep everything inside.
But........maybe it would help. There's something soothing about Tohru's presence. Korra doesn't generally talk about the Avatar with people outside her world, because outsiders don't understand. But a part of Korra feels like maybe Tohru would. And it'd be easier to talk to someone who doesn't have their own feelings about what being the Avatar means. Maybe.
She sighs a little and slides into a chair.]
Have you ever lost the one thing that really makes you you?
[Her expression sifts through her earlier ditzy overreaction to a solid concern. She thinks of her mother, of Kyo not being with her, and has only one way she can really answer.]
I don't think I have, no, but I have lost many things.
If I lost something like the ability to care for all of you, I can only imagine how terrible it would be, to not feel like myself. To feel like something is always missing.
[Korra brings her legs up so she's wrapping her arms around her knees. She hates feeling this vulnerable and exposed.]
I used to be... I am... the Avatar. It's a thing in my world. [She should explain, but she doesn't feel up to it.] There were things I was able to do that I can't anymore.
Except last weekend. Last weekend I had everything back, and now it's gone again.
[Rather than ask about it, Tohru just listens. When it seems Korra's done is when she finally speaks, and she still doesn't ask - this isn't the time.]
So having it back likely just made the ache stronger? Renewed it. It's just a reminder of what you've been missing.
Is there no way you can get it back? Without a curse? [Because, well, Tohru's not opposed to taking on another cause while she's here. Why not? Help Zelgadis find a cure, get Korra her Avatar thing back, and find a cure for the Sohma clan! She's got this. ...sort of.]
[That "darkest moments, great change" thing had to be a cruel joke from the City. She's been pummeled and kicked and shoved into the ground almost constantly since arriving. If Aang could really reach her in her darkest moments, he would have found her when she died. When Chekov kidnapped her. When she had to kill her friends.
She's never getting her bending back, and all this past weekend did was prove she's not as at peace with that fact as she had thought.
[She frowns, and, slowly, reaches out to put an arm around Korra. Anything, some sort of physical way to show she was reaching out and wanted to help.]
[She had to. Without touching Korra, right then, Tohru felt so far away from her.]
Is it out of their power? [Tohru doesn't mean to persist after this one topic, but if there's no other way.... Maybe she can find something. There has to be a way.]
I'm sorry, Korra! I just wanted to see if there was anyway I could help. I'm just making things worse, aren't I? [Of course she was. She was good at that, sometimes. And this was clearly one of those times.]
[And now Korra feels like she's kicked a turtleduck. Great.]
It's fine. [She stands up, ignoring a voice in the back of her mind that whispers Quitter. Her bending is gone for good. That's just a fact. Anything that tries to tell her otherwise is just messing with her head.] It's just something I need to learn to live with.
But.... [Tohru doesn't want to just give up. But that seems rude to push Korra, especially when it's a sensitive topic for her.]
I could try to help with that. There are plenty of other things you can do. And they're very impressive. [And she'll look for a way. Even if she has to do it alone.]
[She doesn't understand. Of course she doesn't understand. Nobody does. It's not about how many things she can do or how impressive they are. She could be able to juggle five plates on her toes while standing on her hands but it wouldn't be the same.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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What message?
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You can get to it whenever you want to. I just wanted to make sure you were doing all right. And if you got pressured because I'm sending you messages then I'm becoming part of the problem and not helping anything. And I don't want to do that!
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But........maybe it would help. There's something soothing about Tohru's presence. Korra doesn't generally talk about the Avatar with people outside her world, because outsiders don't understand. But a part of Korra feels like maybe Tohru would. And it'd be easier to talk to someone who doesn't have their own feelings about what being the Avatar means. Maybe.
She sighs a little and slides into a chair.]
Have you ever lost the one thing that really makes you you?
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I don't think I have, no, but I have lost many things.
If I lost something like the ability to care for all of you, I can only imagine how terrible it would be, to not feel like myself. To feel like something is always missing.
Is that what you're going through?
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I used to be... I am... the Avatar. It's a thing in my world. [She should explain, but she doesn't feel up to it.] There were things I was able to do that I can't anymore.
Except last weekend. Last weekend I had everything back, and now it's gone again.
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So having it back likely just made the ache stronger? Renewed it. It's just a reminder of what you've been missing.
Is there no way you can get it back? Without a curse? [Because, well, Tohru's not opposed to taking on another cause while she's here. Why not? Help Zelgadis find a cure, get Korra her Avatar thing back, and find a cure for the Sohma clan! She's got this. ...sort of.]
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No.
[That "darkest moments, great change" thing had to be a cruel joke from the City. She's been pummeled and kicked and shoved into the ground almost constantly since arriving. If Aang could really reach her in her darkest moments, he would have found her when she died. When Chekov kidnapped her. When she had to kill her friends.
She's never getting her bending back, and all this past weekend did was prove she's not as at peace with that fact as she had thought.
She's not at peace with that fact at all.]
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[She frowns, and, slowly, reaches out to put an arm around Korra. Anything, some sort of physical way to show she was reaching out and wanted to help.]
[She had to. Without touching Korra, right then, Tohru felt so far away from her.]
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They can't help.
[Their price is too high.]
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They can''t help.
[Stop poking at open wounds, Tohru, even though you don't mean to.]
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I'm sorry, Korra! I just wanted to see if there was anyway I could help. I'm just making things worse, aren't I? [Of course she was. She was good at that, sometimes. And this was clearly one of those times.]
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It's fine. [She stands up, ignoring a voice in the back of her mind that whispers Quitter. Her bending is gone for good. That's just a fact. Anything that tries to tell her otherwise is just messing with her head.] It's just something I need to learn to live with.
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I could try to help with that. There are plenty of other things you can do. And they're very impressive. [And she'll look for a way. Even if she has to do it alone.]
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Thanks. I'm gonna go brush Naga.
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